tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607441034503290367.post5855583996711167622..comments2023-08-13T19:25:45.898-07:00Comments on East Meets West: Chinese Daughter-in-Law TrainingTeresahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12831169405732892599noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607441034503290367.post-39812031096260998732009-06-24T10:35:33.070-07:002009-06-24T10:35:33.070-07:00Murat: Once I get into my life as the eldest Chine...Murat: Once I get into my life as the eldest Chinese daughter-in-law in a very traditional Chinese family, I think your question will be answered. Of course, there will be things that I can't say on the blog. If you ever want to e-mail a question to one of the e-mail addresses in my profile, for you, I would give a fuller answer with more specific information.Teresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12831169405732892599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607441034503290367.post-44477294246795488152009-06-24T07:44:38.422-07:002009-06-24T07:44:38.422-07:00My feminism began to puff up during this patch her...My feminism began to puff up during this patch here, Teresa. You get a clear sense of a deep-rooted tribal/group ethos. Still, especially in your comments here, you get a clear sense of the deep value of the <i>organization</i> of traditional families and their commitments to one another. <br /><br />I know an answer to this could be a blog post in itself, but I'm curious what parts of the ethos you've felt worth preserving in your own life, and what you felt you could (needed to) let go of. What have you taken into yourself that a younger Teresa would have never thought possible?murat11https://www.blogger.com/profile/00663364407992075130noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607441034503290367.post-49776568033182311752009-04-06T20:15:00.000-07:002009-04-06T20:15:00.000-07:00Hi Linda,Actually, women are not required to total...Hi Linda,<BR/><BR/>Actually, women are not required to totally give up their families. Every year there are specific holidays on which husbands MUST take their wives to visit the wives' mothers. I think that the culture just spells out which family takes precedence in claiming time and energy. Certainly, my married sisters-in-law visit my parents-in-law frequently and do a lot for them. But they do this after their husbands' parents are taken care of. <BR/><BR/>One time my eldest sister-in-law was widowed and injured in a rock slide. Because that slide killed four members of her husband's family, no one was able to stay with her in the hospital (a requirement pretty much in Taiwanese hospitals--the family member does the CNA work). The other married sisters-in-law took turns staying with her until I was able to get back to Taiwan to help. Then my mother-in-law took my kids, and I stayed with her in the hospital. Under normal circumstances, the husband's family would have been responsible, and they did bring special food for her every week, but since they were dealing with four funerals, and the grandmother had a stroke from the shock of the accident, my sister-in-law's birth family was called upon to care for her. Her married sisters were temporarily released from their obligations to their husbands' families for the first week until we could get back to Taiwan from the States. My mother-in-law would have taken turns with me, but she doesn't read, and actually the charts were all in English, so I was best equipped to deal with the hospital personnel. The whole situation was cared for smoothly; my sister-in-law's five children were with their dad's younger brother. My preschool-age children were with my parents-in-law, and everything was done with order. Custom provided the blueprint for the division of resources in dealing with this tragedy.Teresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12831169405732892599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607441034503290367.post-21268588878096353802009-04-06T16:47:00.000-07:002009-04-06T16:47:00.000-07:00Fascinating insight into another culture. I'd have...Fascinating insight into another culture. I'd have had a hard time deliberately putting my husband's parents ahead of my own since I was so close to my folks. Still, there were times when they had to take second place and it was very difficult. Holidays were tough since both sets of in-laws lived close by. Working at nurturing one's marriage is a good idea, whether or not you believe in arranged marriages.Linda McLaughlinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15291670592316021851noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607441034503290367.post-60230054614156580902009-04-06T11:15:00.000-07:002009-04-06T11:15:00.000-07:00Hi Barrie,Actually, I was pretty vociferous agains...Hi Barrie,<BR/><BR/>Actually, I was pretty vociferous against all her ideas, and all she said was that my classmates needed the information and it wouldn't hurt me to consider another viewpoint on life. That shut me up, and of course, she tested us on the theory whether or not we believed in it. I was competitive, and her standard to keep me in line was 100, 50 or 0, so I only got two mistakes before totally failing a quiz (I don't think she reported the grades like that, but that's how she returned them to me...). So I shut up and learned the material. It really stretched my brain to consider that so many millions of people had been successfully using this model of marriage for so many thousands of years.Teresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12831169405732892599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607441034503290367.post-84477564943560661852009-04-06T11:06:00.000-07:002009-04-06T11:06:00.000-07:00Your posts are always so so interesting. I think y...Your posts are always so so interesting. I think your teacher might have thrown her hands up in despair at me!Barriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04678698296265168217noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607441034503290367.post-40104739097309556582009-04-05T12:13:00.000-07:002009-04-05T12:13:00.000-07:00Hi Travis,In the beginning, they didn't know what ...Hi Travis,<BR/><BR/>In the beginning, they didn't know what I had signed on for. After we moved back to the States, we have had differences of opinion about what I should and shouldn't do or what is reasonable for my in-laws to expect of me. I had not realized how much my concepts had changed for a long while. It has not always been easy for any of us. But I have to say, my life has never been boring...Teresahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12831169405732892599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3607441034503290367.post-64094546683844219042009-04-05T12:02:00.000-07:002009-04-05T12:02:00.000-07:00Thanks for the eduction. Cultural differences alwa...Thanks for the eduction. Cultural differences always intrigue me.<BR/><BR/>I'm curious, how did your family take to the notion of being second?Travis Erwinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09420879160702098979noreply@blogger.com