After
that detour into the history and concepts of Chinese medicine, I want to come
back to my narration of our family’s story. As I noted in my first post on
Chinese medicine, we moved to California in the mid-1990s. At that time, I could not find a nearby practitioner of Chinese medicine who was able to help me. I went to
a friend who is a Western medicine doctor, and he wanted to do exploratory
surgery, which our insurance refused to cover without two second opinions, that
we would have had to pay for ourselves. We did not have the money, and so upon
the recommendation of a friend, I began using homeopathy. My homeopath was
quite skilled, and I began to recover my health.
Our
relatives in Taiwan had been extremely worried about me, especially when our
Western doctor friend mentioned a possible diagnosis of cancer. As I
regained my health, the relatives in Taiwan felt it was a total miracle. Pa had developed an eye
problem where he could not keep his eyelids open without holding them up with
his fingers. He was unable to find a cure through Chinese medicine. He had also gone to one of the big hospitals in Taipei where the
doctors gave him Botox injections to keep his eyes open. Then he was unable to
completely close his eyes when he wanted to sleep. And so, the Western doctors in
Taiwan had prescribed very addictive sleeping pills for him. He was extremely
uncomfortable from the side effects of both medications. Since I had had such
good results with homeopathy, he and Ma came to visit us so that we could take
him to see the homeopath.
My
homeopath lived in the Bay Area and only came to southern California on school vacations. Pa and Ma came in the middle of the school year. Yuni was
incredibly busy with a large construction project, and so I rallied my southern California friends
to help Pa. I have a friend who is a family doctor. She looked at Pa’s
medications and said that he should not be on them any longer because the
sleeping pills were highly addictive. After Pa was weaned from his sleeping
pills, he felt much better, but his eyelids were still a problem. I took him to
see another friend, who is an eye doctor, but all she could offer was perhaps
better skill at Botox treatments. Pa was not interested in those. That night,
when Yuni got home for dinner, Ma and Pa broke out their best guilt-tripping
skills to get Yuni to take us up to the Bay Area so that Pa could see the
homeopath. Yuni finally gave in and asked me to set up an appointment. The
homeopath was very busy, but we were able to get an extra-long introductory
appointment for two weeks after that date. I would do the interpreting for homeopath, and then we would
take Pa and Ma sightseeing in San Francisco while we were there. Yuni was
relieved to have two weeks in which to arrange for the time off from work.
Homeopathy
is a holistic system of medicine that uses very mild natural remedies. The
initial appointment consists of a long interview in which the homeopath seeks
the physical and psychological roots of the problem, which are found in the
patient’s constitutional indications. Over the course of the interview, I
learned that Pa had had surgery as a young man in which almost two thirds of
his stomach was removed. We also learned that he had been unable to eat well
due to his emotional upset over the situation with Elder Sister, the problem
between Yuni and my father, and my own illness. Instead of treating his eyes,
the homeopath treated his stomach and prescribed a remedy that would calm his
nerves and help him better absorb the nutrients from his food. Within a few
weeks, his eyes were much improved. The trip to the Bay Area restored harmony
to Yuni’s relationship with his parents. They went home happy with an
admonition from the homeopath to return in six months for a follow up
appointment.
Six
months later, Pa, Ma, and Yuntian all came to the US to get treated by the
homeopath. Pa was feeling better than he had felt in years. Ma and Yuntian
wanted help with their chronic health issues, too. We made appointments spaced
over the course of two days for all of them. The homeopath was able to
prescribe helpful remedies for Ma and Yuntian, and she made some slight
adjustments on Pa’s dosages. Ma and Yuntian also responded well to their
remedies. Pa and Ma did not stay too long after their health appointments. We
all took a few day trips with Yuntian to Disneyland, Sea World, and Tijuana,
Mexico. Pa was much happier on these visits to Disneyland and Sea World than he
had been on his previous visits to them.
Yuntian
had been authorized upon entry to stay in the US for four full months, and he
decided to make the most of his visa permission. Pa then mentioned to Yuni that Elder Sister’s family desperately needed money. He
had sold our house in Chungli and had paid off our debts to the other sisters, but
he was only able to repay part of what we owed Elder Sister from our share of
the proceeds of the Chungli house. Pa had taken his share of the money and bought a
cheaper house out by Yuni’s old military camp where there was more room. The
neighborhood around our old house had been completely built up, and Pa needed
elbow room. Our tenants in Washington told us that they would only be renting for another six months, and so we decided to put that
house on the market. The house needed reroofing before we could sell it.
Yuntian decided that he would stay with us to help reroof our house, and in the process he would get a sightseeing trip up the coast and then down the mountain range between southern California and Washington State.
It
had been three years since I had had contact with my father, and I decided that this was the time to insist on a visit with him while we were in the Seattle
area. I knew what I needed to do as a Chinese wife, even though I really do not
like using guilt trips and histrionics to get my way. I much prefer straight
forward discussions and good-faith negotiations. But I also knew that since I
had helped his parents and had just recovered from a severe illness, I was at a
prime time for pushing my point, especially since Yuntian was there to back me
up. There is a certain ritual to these intra-family dealings in the Liu family's culture.
I
did not bring up anything about reconciling with my dad until we had been out on
the road for a couple of days. Then I made a scene and played the guilt-trip
card, begging Yuntian to plead my case with his brother. Yuntian and the kids
all begged Yuni to let me see my dad. Because I had been so sick and had still
found a way to improve the health of his parents and brother, Chinese family
customs demanded that Yuni give me some kind of reward. He did it in a way that
saved him some face by saying that we could all go to dinner with my dad (Yuni
would pay), and if I wanted to spend time alone with my dad and his new wife,
that was fine. However, he kept the restriction that the girls could not spend
time alone with their grandfather until they were older. When we got to Seattle, I called my dad and made arrangements to spend time with him. I think that
eventually, we all went with Dad and his wife to the Seattle Center on my dad’s
dime, and then Yuni took us all to dinner.
And
so finally, at about the same time that Elder Sister was making headway in her
quest to be reaccepted by Elder Brother-in-law’s family, my husband and father
were able to begin to resolve their differences, and my life moved onto a more
even keel. At least, I no longer felt caught in the middle of a cross-cultural
struggle.
While
we were on the trip to Washington, Yuntian received a phone call from his girl
friend. She was pregnant with his child. Part of the reason Yuntian had wanted
to stay behind in the US was that he wanted to wait until he knew if his girl
friend was pregnant. Ma did not approve of the girl because she was not a
Christian, but according to Yuntian, Ma kept parading fat, pimple-faced Christian
women in front of him in her matchmaking efforts. He refused to consider women
in whom he had no interest just because Ma liked them. Now he HAD to marry his
girl friend because she was carrying his first child. When we got back to California,
Yuntian rushed to book his flight home and prepare for his wedding.